You needn't be concerned about our product quality, as our professionals are Arachnos certified TQO (Total Quality Oversight) 9001 by the Arachnos Board of Contracting and Delegation. However, it would be best to let our satisfied customers detail their reasons for continuing to patronize our business:
|George "The Milquetoast" Kinniman
"I was not feared. Costuming and da superficials were not cutting it, to say da least. And all dose years o' ettiquette trainin' did nuttin' to enhance my persona as a tough guy. Thanks to AM, I quintupled my muscle mass overnight! Soon I was able to shake my old moniker of "The Milquetoast" and take on my new persona: "Meatball o' Doom!" Now I eagerly await their coming product line which I'm told will include a skeletal structure able to withstand my awesome stren't."
Thanks, George! And don't worry: our "Yes Ossifier" line of skeletal enhancements will be coming up this Fall!
"I really wanted folks to know that my forte was grinding; however, my erudition of the time led to me simply blurting 'Hurt Yu Now!' Thanks to the products of Arachnos Mutagenics, I now can take my rightful place at the head of an asset acquiring organization and do so with aplomb."
We were glad to help, Grindonian. By the way, our new Competitive Costuming line should enable you to eventually grow a recognizable face to go with your melofluous voice! Keep us posted, you silver-tongued devil!
"BioMassss" (formerly "Alpha Niner Bravo Delta" formerly the reanimated brain of Iver Emerald Worthington III)|
"I thought I had it all; a shiny mechanical body, no corpse to worry about burying; but in the end all the electrodes, death-dealing augmenting machinery and magnets meant little. It wasn't, well, it wasn't 'me,' you know? I was just an operator pulling switches and watching things go. Arachnos Mutagenics stepped in when I was - put in protective custody. Thanks to their diligence and dedication to overcoming the impossible, I now have a real body. Granted, I have to operate it by remote control through a terminal hooked directly to my motor cortex, but it's still more real, more alive than I've felt in seventy years."
Just wait, BioMassss! Our new Sensory Nerve Enhancers might allow you to experience direct non-simulated sensation! How many other companies can offer that?
Harriette "Dynamite-Domino" Grieb|
"I always wanted more power, but was thwarted in all my attempts to attain it. Sure, I could sneak into high security facilities, eliminate targets with nary a thought, but I always wanted more. Thanks to Arachnos Mutagenics, I have that! My new abilities allow me to command vegetation and keep targets around longer for more fun. And the plants talk to me too, but plant conversation tends to be rather boring. It's perhaps the one drawback; any word on when I might be able to block out the incessant whispering of the trees?"
Our products are guaranteed effective. What they are effective at doing varies; and we are currently exploring the ability you report. In the meantime, we could recommend one of our Broad Spectrum Herbicide products.